In the Mind of Madness

May 28, 2008

Religious Confusion

Filed under: Religion — taintedgoth1 @ 12:52 am

Here I am at another milestone in my life and I’m questioning things again. Maybe I’m gaining a better perspective on things or maybe I’m just questioning. Although I don’t believe that God is male…I do believe in a higher power. I know that the 10 Commandments are a good code of ethics to live by, so I cannot chalk them up to some falsehood…it’s just I feel like maybe my Catholic upbringing is becoming more relevant than my Pagan beliefs. I still see cats as the embodiment of the Goddess…but other things are so confusing.

What is right? I wanna believe that there is a right religion out there…or maybe it’s there but everyone is so biased on what the right one is. I believe that we all believe in generally the same thing but we just disagree who the Supreme Being is. Some people think it’s male and some people, like me, believe that higher power is female. And then there are a lot of things in the Bible that I completely disagree with. Thinking animals are below us is one of them. The other is thinking that gays and lesbians are an abomination. That is so untrue.

I’d like to talk to someone about this confusion in me but I don’t want them to think I’m in it for a fight or for someone to tell me I’m wrong or I’m evil for thinking the things that I do. I don’t want someone telling me how to think…someone who respects my beliefs and my utter confusion.

I don’t understand why at certain times in my life I come to this exact crossroads where confusion about my religious beliefs is so apparent. When mom died I was at this exact place. And with me getting married I’ve come to the same exact place of religious confusion.

When I re-entered the Church when mom died Fr. Swoger, my priest from childhood, met with me. He asked me specific things. Asking me about same sex relationships. He said “you understand that that is wrong?” And I answered yes. But you know I don’t think it’s wrong! I think it’s wrong to believe there is something wrong with it! It’s so close-minded and cruel to think that way! I don’t understand the harshness of the Church…I just don’t.

I wouldn’t admit this to anyone…but I really liked going to church. When it was just me…I’d go in there and feel something as I went through the sermons. But it was the people there that I didn’t like! They were mostly people who would go to confession on Sunday and then break all the Commandments during the week and then go back seeking forgiveness. I didn’t want any part of that. That’s how I grew up seeing Christians…I never had the chance to be exposed to anything else. My stepmother was like that. She’d say how Christian she was but would beat us relentlessly…and I didn’t want any part of a religion that allowed that. Everyone thought she was such a good woman…but I knew better. I knew better because she’d beat us, she’d beat my brother with a horse whip, she was so cruel to us but treated her kids like gold.

Help me please…I need guidance.

2 responses to “Religious Confusion”

  1. rapunzel says:

    I want to reach out a hand to you. I feel the confusion and turmoil that you are in, and I would like to lift you up out of it, but my way might not be your way.

    To me, it all fits together. Each belief system has pieces of truth, some more, and some less. For example, while I believe that the God who created this world is a father to us, I believe that He created us in His image in more ways than one. I believe that He created mothers in the image of heavenly mothers, goddesses. And the idea of the goddess within us as women fits because we have the potential to become goddesses. This is something that fits with my beliefs, which are Christian, although maybe it wouldn’t fit with Catholicism or many other Christian sects.

    The notion of the Earth as a mother also fits for me. The earth does seem to be female, and she gives life, and she is powerful. She serves the God who created her, and serves Him well.

    I don’t think that animals are beneath us, but their role and their path is different. Animals don’t have agency in the sense that we do. They are not accountable for doing right or wrong. Animals are innocent, and not capable of “sin.” I hope that they will be with us and will still love us in the next existance. We will be accountable for how we have treated them, as we have been appointed as stewards on this Earth. Stewards are not owners and are not higher than those they have stewardship for, but rather have many responsibilities.

    Concerning same-sex relationships, well, that’s a tough one. On the one hand, it seems to me to pervert a sacred power of creation that God gave to us. But (and I don’t say this lightly and haven’t really told people, even online), I’m not attracted to men. I don’t know what to do with that. It feels limiting, but I still feel that I need to respect the creator’s system for bringing children into the world. So in that respect, I guess I am also a bit confused. But I trust that God will work it out somehow.

    It is very unfortunate that people have called themselves Christian and acted so un-Christian. I wonder if they have any idea the extent of the evil they have done.

    There is still peace to be found in religion and through God. I wish that I could help you to find that peace. I hope that my words help you in some way. If you want to talk, I think you know where you can find me. My door is open to you.

  2. Maven says:

    Maybe it would help you to figure out what religion best suits you to take this quiz:

    http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

    I suggest doing some research on religions to see which best matches your beliefs. I don’t believe in Christianity and The Bible, let alone other religions. I am agnostic. But you might find that your beliefs don’t match a specific, organized religion, and that’s okay, too. You might be happy at a Unitarian Universalist church (http://www.uua.org/), which “has no creed. It affirms the worth of human beings, advocates freedom of belief and the search for advancing truth, and tries to provide a warm, open, supportive community for people who believe that ethical living is the supreme witness of religion.”

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