In the Mind of Madness

June 3, 2008

Prayers of Comfort

Filed under: Religion — taintedgoth1 @ 8:18 pm

Prayer In Time of Trouble

Lord, in every need let me come to You with humble trust saying, “Jesus, help me.”
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations, Jesus, help me.
In hours of loneliness, weariness, and trials, Jesus, help me.
In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles, and sorrows, Jesus, help me.
When others fail me and Your grace alone can assist me, help me.
When I throw myself on Your tender love as a father and savior, Jesus, help me.
When my heart is cast down by failure at seeing no good come from my efforts, Jesus, help me.
When I feel impatient and my cross irritates me, Jesus, help me.
When I am ill and my head and hands cannot work and I am lonely, Jesus, help me.
Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls, and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus, help me and never forsake me.

Prayer For Inner Peace and Calm

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways;
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm.

John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)

Look Upon Us, O Lord

Look upon us, O Lord,
and let all the darkness of our souls
vanish before the beams of thy brightness.
Fill us with holy love,
and open to us the treasures of thy wisdom.
All our desire is known unto thee,
therefore perfect what thou hast begun,
and what thy Spirit has awakened us to ask in prayer.
We seek thy face,
turn thy face unto us and show us thy glory.
Then shall our longing be satisfied,
and our peace shall be perfect.

St. Augustine

May 28, 2008

Religious Confusion

Filed under: Religion — taintedgoth1 @ 12:52 am

Here I am at another milestone in my life and I’m questioning things again. Maybe I’m gaining a better perspective on things or maybe I’m just questioning. Although I don’t believe that God is male…I do believe in a higher power. I know that the 10 Commandments are a good code of ethics to live by, so I cannot chalk them up to some falsehood…it’s just I feel like maybe my Catholic upbringing is becoming more relevant than my Pagan beliefs. I still see cats as the embodiment of the Goddess…but other things are so confusing.

What is right? I wanna believe that there is a right religion out there…or maybe it’s there but everyone is so biased on what the right one is. I believe that we all believe in generally the same thing but we just disagree who the Supreme Being is. Some people think it’s male and some people, like me, believe that higher power is female. And then there are a lot of things in the Bible that I completely disagree with. Thinking animals are below us is one of them. The other is thinking that gays and lesbians are an abomination. That is so untrue.

I’d like to talk to someone about this confusion in me but I don’t want them to think I’m in it for a fight or for someone to tell me I’m wrong or I’m evil for thinking the things that I do. I don’t want someone telling me how to think…someone who respects my beliefs and my utter confusion.

I don’t understand why at certain times in my life I come to this exact crossroads where confusion about my religious beliefs is so apparent. When mom died I was at this exact place. And with me getting married I’ve come to the same exact place of religious confusion.

When I re-entered the Church when mom died Fr. Swoger, my priest from childhood, met with me. He asked me specific things. Asking me about same sex relationships. He said “you understand that that is wrong?” And I answered yes. But you know I don’t think it’s wrong! I think it’s wrong to believe there is something wrong with it! It’s so close-minded and cruel to think that way! I don’t understand the harshness of the Church…I just don’t.

I wouldn’t admit this to anyone…but I really liked going to church. When it was just me…I’d go in there and feel something as I went through the sermons. But it was the people there that I didn’t like! They were mostly people who would go to confession on Sunday and then break all the Commandments during the week and then go back seeking forgiveness. I didn’t want any part of that. That’s how I grew up seeing Christians…I never had the chance to be exposed to anything else. My stepmother was like that. She’d say how Christian she was but would beat us relentlessly…and I didn’t want any part of a religion that allowed that. Everyone thought she was such a good woman…but I knew better. I knew better because she’d beat us, she’d beat my brother with a horse whip, she was so cruel to us but treated her kids like gold.

Help me please…I need guidance.

April 28, 2008


Filed under: Religion — taintedgoth1 @ 10:55 pm

I am so upset. I read something…saying people who read the “good book” and were Christian were good people…does that mean I am a bad person because I do not? No, I don’t believe in a God…female is what I believe in! A Goddess!!! So am I bad because I have no church or no book to go by? Does that mean that I will always be bad and hated???

Why do I have to suffer??? I don’t understand it! Why are people so close-minded and judgmental??? Why can’t they see? Why can’t I be good??? I am set apart from everyone else…all those self-righteous, and proud Christians….they hurt me so bad!!!